Rain & 117

It's Friday 6.00 pm now... and i'm still sitting in front of my PC in my office... Hahaha... it's not i'm not excited to get home as fast as i can, but there's an accident happened on the way home and it caused heavy traffic... so, i prefer to stay here than sitting alone in the car... 


anyway... 117 is the tittle i've chosen this time... (maybe you are the only one who could understand)...
n why that number?? coz it's the number where the story began...
i remember few days before u mentioned that number to me, u typed this:
"i wish i could tell you how close you are to me while you are 50000000000000000 km away from me..." (or it was miles instead of km?? whateva.. it doesn't really matter... LOL)
so, now you know why i didn't cry when i saw you leaving...
to be honest, i was kinda disappointed when the rain didn't pour last night... i guess, u're still curious about the connection between rain and you... hahaha... let me keep it myself (just pray that i would accidentally say it out to you)... 
about your secret wish you told me this morning just before your flight... you don't need to mention that, coz i know what you want... so, just be patient and wait till i make it out... XD n here it is... a post for ya... 


There'll be times when things are getting harder and harder... I'm not that kinda super-wise gal who's always able to solve problem well, i might be mad sometimes... I'm not that sweet to say those flowery words easily to you... Oh well, I'm just me who's holding your hands tightly to walk together... and that's the way i love you...


-Jezz

a mess...

"and sometimes when we touch... the honesty's too much..." 
A phrase from that song represents the thought I'm having on my mind at the moment... Staying faraway from you isn't an easy thing to do... It's not I don't wanna spend more time with you when you're around... I'm just scared.... Yeah, scared of not being able to let you go... The more physical attachment we have, the harder for me to stay miles away from you... I hope this makes sense... >,<
Anw, it's just a short thought of mine... I don't wanna think or worry too much about that... LOL... I just believe that I will see u again physically very soon (without knowing how soon it is exactly)... 


There are times when I need to isolate myself from the online societies... I'm not avoiding people nor unwilling to communicate with my friends... I just need some times to think about myself, to look at my own reflection... 
I wonder how important people's perceptions about me are... I hate it when people around me are starting to underestimate me - while they can't prove that they're able to be better than me (maybe this kind of people thinks that they're the best - who knows what's on their minds)...sigh*
I believe that life is a process of learning... I can't learn how to be a better me without people's opinions/perceptions... So, i guess being carefree isn't a solution for me... But (to be honest), sometimes accepting people's opinions is difficult as well (especially when the way they think is totally different from mine)... Hahaha... Okay... my mind is just making things to be more complicated... (it's proved from what I've typed here, a mess)... LOL...
i need to remember my own quote: "The only thing that makes simple things become more complicated is our minds..."
so....... Don't worry.... Be Happy... =D


-Jezz

be present

I just moved my phone card to my old mobile yesterday... then i accidentally opened the saved message folder and found those SMS sent by my friends before they left 3.5 years ago... I still remember those moments, when i was the last person who left the town and saw friends were starting to move far far away from me... in my life, i always hate the thing called "farewell" though it doesn't always mean i am losing people i love... 

I kept silent after reading the SMS... i can't really tell what was on my mind... probably, sadness?? i guess so... 3.5 years isn't a long time (for me), but i can see there are so many changes in the environment i lived before... it's not as same as it was before... and i think i'm scared to be placed there once again, because i'm now living in a much better environment... arrogant? selfish? well yeah, i am... for my own goodness...

Parents always wish the best things to their kids... so do my dad and mom... but, there are times when they worry too much about me... i know exactly what i am doing now... i just need some more time to prove that i can make my parents proud of having me as their daughter... things might happen if they should be... so, just trust me if i can make it...

"I want you not to worry about our future too much... just be present with me... and that's more than enough..."

you sent me that the night before i left hometown... so, i don't want you to think too much bout the stuffs you mentioned this morning (i'm ignoring that as well - better not to think bout that)... i am happy to be with you... i dun wanna think/worry too far/much about what's gonna happen next... let it be a surprise from God for both you and me... i just wanna enjoy the time we have... like what u've said: just be present with you... 1.2.3.4

-Jezz

31 dec 09

Now it’s really the end of 2009... Before i start to type more, i wanna wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS (though it’s too late)... another year has passed... many things happened within this 365 days... Thank to God, who has made my belief comes true this year... i have a really great yearend (though i will just stay at ir’s place to watch movies together with dj)...

Here’s my Christmas-new year break story:

My flight to Ptk is on the 24^th of Dec 6.10 PM... went to airport around 4.40 and arrived there at 5... when i saw the check in desk, there’s a note there saying that the flight would be at 7 pm... and i asked the lady there, whether it’s delayed... she said, it’s the scheduled being moved... well, okay... 7pm wouldn’t be that bad... done with the check in, i looked at the flight schedule screen to know where’s the waiting room for the 5pm flight (Al took that flight) so i could find him... and guess what, the schedule shown wasn’t updated... it just showed the morning flights schedules, and it was 5 pm... wondered what’s the point of showing that passed flight schedules... then, i went upstair to the waiting room, and look at another screen... n there was it... his flight was delayed as well, so i got time to see him... i walked around the waiting room, looked at left and right... n i couldn’t find him... n thought “he’s not here??”... then i turned my body, and he was there... standing right in front of me and said “Jess”...  surprised... and i just gave him a hug... that’s him, after 2 years since the latest time i met him... after that, we just talked with his sister as well... after they boarded the aircraft, i went to my waiting room... it was so crowded there, and i couldn’t find a seat to sit (people put their stuffs on the chairs, sigh*)... so, i just find a good spot and sit on the floor while waiting to board... (ah yeah, my flight was delayed till 8 pm – i hate indo’s domestic airline)... at the end, i arrived ptk around 10 pm... Ir and her family picked me up at the airport...

I got into my house and found no one was there (except my maids)... i felt weird... this house used to be crowded before... and now, it’s only me... so, i just showered and went to bed... Christmas morning, i called jm for breakfast... so, he came and picked me up then he drove to pick dj as well... spending xmas with going to karaoke (ir joined us as well)... and went to church at the evening... meeting some old friends at dinner time, talked a bit and went home... Tell ya the truth, how boring it is to be here... seriously, i had nothing to do here... we went for karaoke again at the 26^th coz we found we got nothing else to do...

27^th – 29^th of Dec, Al was here spending time together with me, dj, ir and jm... we went to watch “sang pemimpi”... it was a good movie to watch (especially for Indonesian movie)... and again, karaoke... LOL... there’s no place to go other than mall, karaoke and friends’ houses here... i can say that it’s really nice and happy to stay close to your good friends who are used to be far away from you... seriously, i am happy... the only disappointing thing is: limited time we had... i wish i could spend more time together...

A song on my mind: Two Is Better Than One – Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one

Lastly for this year... try to believe in yourself, coz everything would turn out the way you want it if you do believe... the beginning of 2009 was hard... mid 2009 was okay... and the end of 2009 is really GREAT... i got everything that i want and i got you...

Wishing that 2010 will be a better year for everyone... =)

-Jezz

heartless

Now it's just 2 days before Christmas... and i'm leaving back home tomorrow... i wonder what should i do there... sigh* 

i remember a short conversation between me n Al... when he asked me why i'm not excited to be back home... i told him that i have nothing to do there other than meeting friends... i've been back home for few times before and i was disappointed... why? people around me are always excited when they know i'm going to see them... but, at the time comes,they're busy, they have no time to see me... n it's always me who put efforts to meet them... sigh*

Al told me "people are happy to know there's somebody looking for them"... Yeah... TRUE... the fact is, i'm sick of looking for people... am i selfish if i wish people (or at least my friends) to look for me??? not always me looking for them??? (Mn told me this few weeks ago too, and now it's me facing this case)

Stupid guys in the world... i wonder what do they eat and learn these days... it's not only the numbers of guys on earth are decreasing, but also the QUALITIES... a short statement of John Gray said "Men do not say the words they don't mean"... i doubt that now... when most of the guys around me start to talk sh*t to me... They know what's happening to me these days, but still asking "how are ya with that guy??? have you dated him??" or telling me "sorry for replying late, i'm going to drink/smoke" or any other annoying statements and questions... LAME!! CHILDISH!! (call me heartless for this, coz YES, I AM HEARTLESS) 

Dj told me, sometimes guys do that to the girls they like... yeah... sometimes... NOT EVERY TIME!! It makes me sick... So, do not blame me for ignoring all those... I had enough... sigh*

one more thing, DO NOT be mad if i'm not replying ur texts as fast as u expect, i have my own things to do as well... 

sorry for being so mad here... i'm seriously sick of the things i mentioned above... enough for this morning, i need to prepare myself for the last working day of this year...

-Jezz

21 Guns

Actually, i'm not really sure about what i should type here this morning... I hate it when i always wake up so early in weekends... also, hate for not being able to wake up early in weekdays... sigh*

Well, talking bout these days activities... nothing is really happened... day by day passed quickly, even faster than i expected... and now i'm just a week away from my Christmas holiday... guess what, i'm not excited at all bout being back home now... don't ask me why, myself doesn't know it as well... what excites me is only knowing that i don't need to office during my holiday... 

Music is another thing i want to mention here... these days i'm addicted to download songs, just to complete my iTunes library... believe it or not, the songs i listen to in the morning (especially when i drive to office) effect my whole day mood... n i hate love songs in the morning... they're too slow and sad... lol...

I'm now practicing to play Greenday - 21 Guns with my piano... almost done with that, i just need to add some more tones to make it better... this song keeps repeating on my mind, though i know it doesn't remind me of anything... i just love it... =D

"Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating? Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins... One, 21 guns... Lay down your arms, give up the fight... One, 21 guns... Throw up your arms into the sky, you and i...."

Ah yeah... i forget to mention bout last weekend... it was the most tiring weekend i ever had... I went for bowling competition (or should i mention it as a tournament?) on Saturday morning with my colleagues and went karaoke after that... that was fun, when i didn't need to pay for anything (free stuffs are always nice, aren't they??)... 15 mins before i finish karaoke, Av called me for dinner, so i just met him up... Sunday morning, i drove to Cikarang to see Mk... then we spent whole day together, singing and talking... i dragged my bro to join too when we went for dinner... Meeting good friends is always nice, especially those you don't used to see everyday... =D

Enough for this morning... though there're still things on my mind i want to type about... 

I'm going to spend few minutes (or even hours) playing piano to heal myself... XD

-Jezz

Clavinova

Good morning readers... I went to bed earlier last night, so now i'm awake - before my alarm ring... it's a bit too early, but at least i could get few minutes to update my blog... early in the morning is the best time for me to express my thoughts, when my brain is still fresh - not contaminated with any new problems of the day yet...


End of 2009... it's getting greater and greater for me... as my goals are completed.... YES!! I got everything i planned to get this year... though i got them one by one, but still... I GOT IT ALL... I got my orange lacoste bag... I got my red longchamp bag... I got my ipod touch... and I got my clavinova (thanks a lot mom for choosing that one for me, coz i was just asking for a cheaper one - it's a CLP, not a CVP)... once again, thank you mom... for understanding me, that i really want to be able to play piano (though there are many things i still need to learn bout piano)... =D
So now, i'm setting my next targets... which are:
- to quit using transpose in playing any song (i think i might start from Canon in D, not in C anymore)
- to travel to somewhere next year with my own savings
- to add some more songs to my recording lists
- to finish reading my books
- to enjoy every second given by God to me to spend
- to be happy with all i have


a short SMS i sent last night before i went to bed:
"when you see the wide sky and sea in front of you, you have to know that we're just small creatures on this earth who could enjoy the entire space created by God for us... Life is good though it isn't easy... You're not alone.. You have HIM with you, and now i am with you..."
Life is good when you know how to make it good... if you dunno, i'll try to show you... =)


-Jezz