[iwishicouldtellu]

I accidentally typed a random phrase on my Skype status... "[iwishicouldtellu]"
2 people asked me who is the "u" there and what i'm wishing to tell... IDK, that phrase was just popped out on my mind and i typed it... maybe, (just maybe) i think about too many thing these days, emo-ing by myself, being too sensitive, and others weird actions... and there are many thoughts i want to share, but i couldn't say it out... 
I tell ya, being too emotional about something is really annoying... especially when others start to talk to you and you don't feel like talking about anything, but you are forced to talk... (i'm wondering what kind of English i'm typing here, it's getting worse >,<)


i wish i could tell you....
i wish i could tell you how empty my life is without you around me, my friends...
i wish i could tell you what i'm feeling inside...
i wish i could tell you how much i miss you...
i wish i could tell you how much joy and happiness you bring to me...
i wish i could tell you that i wanna be there, wherever you are...
i wish i could tell you that i'm really want to spend more times with you...
i wish i could tell you how precious you are to me...
i wish i could tell you if i really want to hold you...
i wish i could tell you that i'm looking forward to see you...
i wish i could tell you that i enjoy the time we shared in messengers...
i wish i could tell you that i do care about you...
i wish i could...
如果你给我一个机会告诉你...


-Jezz

...weirdo...

Happy October everyone...
I thought of continuing my previous post, but i'm not really in the mood for that topic at the moment...
I'm asking myself about what's happening to me.. i can see that i'd became so emotional these few days... sigh* 


i listed out reasons... 
first, over workload... i stayed overtime almost everyday, even went to office at weekend... and i'm sick of those stuffs... though my lab manager told me that i'm an admin manager to be in 2-3 months, it doesn't sound interesting for me... i can imagine how stressful i can be if i'm in that position... but, who doesn't wanna be a manager??? 
second, jealousy... i mentioned it as jealousy... i'm jealous with my friends who are still in university, stressing out with assignments and exams, but have friends around them... i do realize that there is no such point to be jealous with those stuffs, because i'm graduated and i have a "good" job + salary (people said that)... it must be others who are jealous about what i achieved... everything you see is just a cover of me... inside, i'm just a little lonely girl, with no friends around me (my best friends are far far away, separated by oceans and continents)...
third, i'm tired... i used to be too tough and too independent this whole year... and guess what, it's tiring... sometimes i hope i can find someone i can really trust to handle stuffs... but this perfectionist jess doesn't dare to rely on anyone... it's not that none is able to do that, or none is qualified... it's just myself... i do really know how well i can handle things... and whenever i think about my abilities, i will just handle everything by myself... so, i can't blame anyone for this case, because it's my own fault... and seriously, i'm really tired... 
forth, i don't cry... i'm such a frozen hearted girl right now (i mentioned it before), but it doesn't mean i'm heartless... i don't cry for small simple stuffs... latest time i cry is when i was having a fight with a best friend of mine... sometimes i keep everything inside... when something bother me, i try my best not to cry... i just went out somewhere or play random song with my PSR like an autism... i think this's one of the reason my eyes get so dry, besides looking too much to the computer screen (i spent almost whole day sitting in front of my PC/laptop)...


Mk, sorry for being too emotional last night... sorry for cannot answering the question "what's happening with u?".. because myself can't really mention it... maybe one of those reasons i typed above... or maybe another reason i dunno what...


I should prepare to go... hopefully i can find out the reason...


-Jezz

Money Talks...

Had a long chat with Al this morning talking about few things... and we talked about money rules on earth... 

i heard some people said "money isn't important, the most important thing is LOVE... when you are loved, u'll be happy..."

Of course, being loved by others makes us happy... but, try to see the fact (it's not that i'm materialistic), if you only have love without money, how would you be happy?? imagine that u're marrying sum1 you love and loves you and both of you dun have enough money for daily needs, would you be happy in the condition like that???

another fact... money has became the most important factor of anything... i remember when i was applying university to Australia before, they asked for money deposit (i can't really remember the amount, but i can tell, it's huge) just to get my student visa issued... 

I'm just thinking when money rules the world, some part of life would be just unfair... Seriously, I saw many people around me who couldn't reach what they want, not because they're not able to reach it, but the economic conditions burden them... while some other rich kids are just spending their parents' money for such unimportant stuffs... 

n Al said "if i have that much money, i dun mind to lend it to them", but he can do nothing... and i can do nothing to help as well besides being a place for them to share with...

I still need to learn how to be wise... 

I should stop complaining about things i have... 

I should be thankful for everything i get... 

a quote from a song:

"... but I gotta keep trying... gotta keep my head held high... there's always gonna be another mountain.. i'm always gonna wanna make it move... always gonna be a uphill battle... sometimes i'm gonna have to lose... ain't about how fast i get there... ain't about what's waiting on the other side... it's the climb..."

-Jezz

...laziness....

So sleepy.... it's just 6.20 a.m and it's saturday... i hope i could sleep a little bit longer, but i need to go to work for overtime today... >,<


I'm going to pick up Ls... Yayyy!!! I miss her so much, since the latest time i met her is last December... =D


Anw, good to have a clearance last night... i hope u feel better, mate... and really sorry if it's disappointed you, coz i can do nothing else than being honest... 


I need to shower now, prepare myself to work... n still, i'm too lazy for that... T___T
Have a good weekend everyone!


-Jezz

Imagine....

Today is the 1st day working after a 6 days Idul Fitri holiday... i went to office this morning with a "high-level-laziness" ... was surprised with extra work loads and finished at 7.37 p.m... think same schedule would be the same or even worse till the end of this month... i really wish October to come soon... >,<

I'm kinda addicted to record my singing voice and post it to FB... hahaha... celebrity obsession.. =p

but, i just enjoy when people like the way I sing and drop their comments... so i can learn from mistakes i done in singing.... =D Mk n Mn... Let's arrange some songs together... 

I'm practicing a song requested by a friend of mine now, a song i never heard before... but, i think i'm going to love this song:

"I just want to breathe again... Learn to face the joy and pain... Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more... I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday... Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more, I'll breathe again..."

"When the closest ones are faraway...."

those words popped out in my mind suddenly when i was showering before... realizing my closest friends are far far away from me... no matter who they are, they are all faraway... then i'm trying to imagine, how would it be if they're around... would we stay closer than before?? or maybe we have nothing to talk anymore since we spend all time together??? IDK how would it be... i just can IMAGINE...

i miss all the time i spent with all of you, guys... 

I start to yawn now... i better go to sleep soon as i'm going to have another tiring day tomorrow...

-Jezz

Idul Fitri 2009

Happy Idul Fitri for anyone who celebrates it... =D


i hate being sick... i should be in Puncak now, with my whole family... 
But this pain is killing me till i have to stay at home, and unfortunately my sickness disappointed my little cousin... sorry for that, sista... i hope to be there as well, not being left alone at home like now... >,<


i think my brain is going to explode soon... i have so many things on my mind... (even unimportant things)
and i dunno how to say it out... see? a talkative Jess doesn't know how to express what're she's thinking about...
IDK.. i dun feel like doing anything... i dun feel like planning anything...
and everything is mixed up in my mind.... sigh*


for everyone talked to me before, sorry for not giving a really good response...
me, myself doesn't really understand what's happening to me... 
really sorry... 


-Jezz  

Frozen...

I talked to a junior last night, she told me that she's in love with someone...
seems that she's really happy with her feeling...
What I'm wondering now is... how does it feel to fall in love again?? how would it be to date someone??
I have no clue for that... It's not that I never fall in love or dating someone, but I can't really remember or imagine how does it feel like... 
It doesn't mean I'm heartless, but... I'm just thinking that my heart is just frozen for that stuffs...
Nvm, it's just a short thought of mine this morning...
and I'm happy for being single now... =D


-Jezz