Gratitude

After all the moans I typed in my previous posts, I started to realize that I still have a long long path to walk on... It doesn't mean I'm not looking back to what I've been through, I just need to be more realistic...
There are times when I envy people who're staying overseas, who have the chance to see the different parts of the globe... But I have to remind myself that I already got the chance to stay in Australia before... Look at the people who do not have any chance to travel anywhere... Be grateful, Jess... 
At times, I could just forget that I have lovely people around me... People who do care about me... People who make my life easier... People who share laughters and tears with me... Be grateful, Jess... 
I should be grateful for many other things in my life (it's too many to be mentioned one by one)... 
I thank God for the life He has given to me... Life is good in His guidance... =)


-Jezz
(who's madly in love with Brandon at the moment) XD

Melbourne 2010

"There can be miracles when you believe..." - Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston
Remember when I put Melbourne 2010 as my target last year?? It comes TRUE and I'm leaving next week to Sydney and Melbourne... It's not going to be a long trip as I just have 1 week time... But still, it COMES TRUE... Hahaha... I'm so excited now... Thank you, God... Thank you, Dad and Mom...
What I'm trying to say here (I think I said this few times before) is: KEEP BELIEVING in whatever you want that you'll have the ability to get/reach it... It's just the matter of time on when you're going to get it, so DO NOT RUSH, there's no such free thing on earth, all needs effort... 


Another thing, I know this's kinda silly or lame but this's how I really feel these days and I'm just trying to be honest to myself (especially, to my feeling)...
I smile a lot and feel happy whenever I remember the time I spent with you... This's sort of weird I think, because I never felt this way before... Well, it's a BIG LIE if I say that I've gotten over you... Hahaha... I still have the feeling for you, my friend... =D 
It's just unfair where you're the one who started this at the beginning and you're also the one who broke it... I'm not blaming you again and again as well, what I typed here are my feelings and thoughts about what we've been through (remember when you told me to always be honest to you??)... Like what I've told you before, second time isn't as easy as the first time... Healing the wound isn't as easy as the word "sorry" is said... 
At the end, I thank God that we're still friends... You know where to find me whenever you need someone to run to... =)





To those who're graduating this mid year: Al (May), Binusians (June), Dj (July), and others...
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I wish you all the good luck for the every next step you take... =)


Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mel... All the best for you... =D


-Jezz

2nd - 3rd week of May

I've been really busy these days, I have works queuing to be done... 
Since the very first time I started working in this company, I thought I would just designing interiors... But, now I turned to be omnidesigner (that what's Iv told me), who designs everything: interiors, name cards, posters, brochures, leaflets, bags, etc... 
The good thing of being a designer is: you'll feel proud when you see your designs are made for real and sold...


I went back to Pontianak to attend my cousin's wedding last weekend...
Once I stepped into the house, I went into the room you stayed before, then to the bathroom... I found the green body wash bottle I bought for you before... I was like "OMG, it's still here??"... I couldn't tell how much that room reminded me about you... Then I sent you short message saying that I found that bottle and was so happy when I got your reply since we didn't talk much these days... (Aiya Jess, stop acting that way, it's lame! When something is over means it's over!) 
To be really honest, I really wanted your hug when I had my bad days last week (I guess, you know I wouldn't be able to say this thing to you)... I miss you, anyway... =)


About the bad days... It's more than bad, I could tell it's a nightmare... It's a destruction of my name and reputation... I was sooooooo stressed out because of this...
Last Friday morning when I was about to go out for my visa application, I got a phone call from J telling me that someone posted something on Kaskus (the largest Indonesian online community) that ME selling a secondhand Blackberry online without sending the good after receiving the payment... I tried to get online and read through the post... WTF!! I called the buyer right after I read the post to explain that I knew nothing about that case... He told me that one of my friend called him before telling him that it's impossible Jess doing such thing (Thank you, Vd)... I couldn't access my Facebook account for the first few days after that post because it's hacked/locked... At the time I could access it, I found more than 100 people adding my Facebook and found messages full of cursing words (also happened to my Twitter account)... 
I ended up making Kaskus account to clarify that I'm not in charge with the case... I was really glad when I saw my friends posted replies to support me... Thank God for giving me good friends... Thank you...
What's up to now about the case is me and some friends are searching for the suspected person... 
I really hope it could be solved as soon as possible, because I still have many things to do...


I feel sad these days, really sad...
I saw an old man having snow ice by himself...
I saw another old man selling bakcang with a motorbike...
I saw an old lady buying groceries by herself at the market...
I saw an old couple with heavy luggages sitting and waiting for someone to pick them up at the station...
I wonder where're their children?? Why didn't they accompany them??
I saw a cute little girl (she told me that she's 5 years old) serving me when I went to buy snow coconut-flavored ice...
I saw a dog coming to my mom's restaurant every afternoon asking for food with sad expression...
I saw many many many other things in my daily life that made me feel sad...
Should I learn to be more carefree??? 


-Jezz

letting go

Keeping this feeling inside kills me slowly... I don't know how long I could keep this feeling, how far I would want to feel the pain... I don't have the ability to tell you how much I miss you, how much I love you...

With the rest of love I still have for you, now I let you go... 

There will be no more me when you look back...

-Jezz

designer

Just randomly showing what I am doing at the moment...
Packaging design... Yes, that's what I'm doing now, after interior projects and graphic designs...
Being a designer is fun yet stressing... But, I am glad to be labeled as a designer, which I think is one of the coolest jobs on earth (hyperbolic mode)...
I'm actually bored because I have no idea on what to sketch (I already done 2 designs, but i need more options before showing them to my boss)... Back to work... 


-Jezz

scared

There are many things on my mind since last night...
I couldn't sleep well... My hands are shaking...
I'm scared... Really scared...


-Jezz

3 Questions

When I had nothing to do yesterday, I read this book "Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya"... I don't know what's the English title of the book, but I'm sure that book has the English version... It's a (sort of) life philosophy book of Buddhist teaching.. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think it's not a mistake if I take some good points from the teaching and apply them in my life... 
When I reached chapter 54 of the book, there are 3 questions being asked:
1. When is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing to do?


Before I continue reading that chapter, I tried to find my own answers for those 3 questions...
And these are the answers given by the writer of the book (who is a monk and it did change my point of view):
1. When is the most important time?
Book said: We all know the answer of this question, but it's frequently forgotten... The most important time for us is NOW... It's the only time we have... If you want to tell people how much you love them, how thankful you are from what they have done for you, do it NOW... Not tomorrow, not 5 minutes later... Because it could be just too late... If you need to apologize to some people, do not think about the reasons... Do it NOW... It could be the only chance you have, so use the moment... 
Jess said: I posted something about time before, do not postpone anything... We don't know how long this life would be... So, use the time wisely, it's limited... Even if we have a long life to live, it doesn't mean others also do... Remember my old post titled irreplaceable?? There are only one you, one me, one him and one her in this world, tell them if you love them whenever you have the chance, before it's too late...
Every second we have is precious, like what I quoted from HM's blog: "Be proud in every second given"...





(I watched this when I was in Bandung at the beginning of this year, this guy sang it better than Ronan Keating and Garth Brooks did... I cried when I saw this at the 1st time, it's so touching...) 


2. Who is the most important person?
Book said: Not many people can answer this question, it might take some hours or even days just to answer it... The answer is: the most important person is the one you're being with... Love and communication could only be shared with the person/people who's (are) with you, no matter whoever (s)he is/ they are... (S)he is/ they are the most important people for you at that moment... This is not only applicable to personal relationships, but also in business partnership... Whenever you are in a business meeting, the most important person for you at that moment is your business partner, who might effect your sales and income... 
We spend most of the time in this life being alone, that is why the most important person for us is the person we're being with, which is ourselves...
Jess said: The last sentence sounds selfish to me, but I have to admit that it's the fact... I spend most of my time locking myself in my room... I do things for my own goodness... I guess, it's normal when you want all the best thing for yourself because you think that you are important, as you are the one who live your life... And true, I could feel that the most important person for me is the one I be with at that moment... For example, when I was on the phone, the most important person at that time is the person I was talking to...


3. What is the most important thing to do?
Book said: The most important thing to do is CARING... Caring means to be careful and to care... This answer shows that the most important thing is to understand the origins of ourselves... 
Jess said: I don't really understand the last sentence... I think I need to spend some more times to think what that really means... What I found in a reality is, caring could mean a lot for me and people around me... To care means to support, to understand, to listen to others, etc... How does it feel when you know that there is somebody cares about you? It's nice, isn't it?? Sometimes, being carefree isn't acceptable because to CARE is FREE... Concern and love are the only free things we could give to people (though sometimes we have to spend times and phone credits just to show people that we care about them)... Remember, caring is a mutual thing... So, don't blame people if they don't care about you because of your carefree behavior...


-Jezz
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