freedom to express

I had a long talk with Mr yesterday afternoon... discussing about life styles, friendship, relationship, etc... i rarely talk to you, Mr... but i was happy when u told me that i'm still the same person as before (in the way i treat my friends), still the one who's close to you, still the one who's being trusted by you... another thing you told me as well, that how my life style has changed... and it's so much different from before... ya... i admit that... people changed, including me... but, no matter how my life style is... i'm still myself... a friend of yours... =D


"well i guess my meaning lies beneath what i left unsaid...", i quoted that from Dj's Facebook status... i do agree with that... that's what i found in me, where it's really hard for me to express how i feel in words... it takes me 4ever just to say "i miss you" to someone i really miss... that's hard to say out things when i do mean it... i wasn't be like this before... i remember how someone could easily say those "sweet words" to me in the last 2 years and ended up cheating on me... and that makes me believe that words are meaningless when they're easily said...
deep inside, there's a part of me thirsting for freedom to shout out loud what i'm feeling inside... free to say "i miss you" to the people i miss... free to say "i love you" to the one i love... free to say "i hate you, so go away from my life" to those i hate... 


i remember last night when i was crying in front of my vaio and i only had you to talk with, Dj... i told you how tired i am coz of random things happened... and finally, i could tell you how did i feel before about this friendship... selfless... you mentioned it as that... =) but, i told you as well, that i'm glad now... when people i do care about start to count me in their "best friend" lists... Thx Dj, for being there talking to me so tears could be changed to laughs... 


a song on my mind... Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore
"I've been living with the shadow overhead... I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed... I've been lonely for so long, trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on... I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away... Just in case i ever need them again someday... I've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind... All i wanna do is find a way back into love... I can't make it through without a way back into love... There're moments when i don't know how if it's real or if anybody feels the way i feel... I need inspiration, not just another negotiation..."


-Jezz