down

I am currently feeling so down... I know i can't be like this for a longer time... I need to pull myself out from this situation... I have 2 upcoming job interviews in a row: tomorrow and the day after... Well, the 1st one is the job i really love, i could say it as one of jobs that i really want to have... 
I just talked to Av last night, telling him how i really think about all of this... I simply told him: "I'm in the situation where one of my dream is right in front of me, but there are people around me blocking my way to reach that dream because of some excuses..." 
People oh people... Why it is always me who has to follow your rules?? Why it is always me who needs to yield?? Can't i just be the person i want to be?? Can't i get what i really wanna have??
I know what to do, i know what i want... I know how to take care of myself... I'm sick of being told this and that (things that i already know)... And lastly, i fed up with all the excuses told by you, you, you, and another you...


-Jezz
(wish me luck)

where are you now?

I keep listening to this song... I can't tell how many times i repeat it each day...





To my favorite teacher tell me never give up...
To my 5th grade crush who i thought i really loved...
To the guys i've missed and the girls we've kissed, where are you now???
To my ex-best friends, don't know how we grew apart...
To my favorite band sing along in my car...
To the face i see in my memory, where are you now???
Where are you now? Cause i'm thinking of you...
You showed me how, how to live like i do...
If it wasn't for you, i would never be who i am...
To my 1st girlfriend, i thought for sure was the one...
To my last girlfriend, sorry that i screwed it up...
To the ones i loved didn't show it enough, where are you now???
Where are you now? Cause i'm thinking of you...
You showed me how, how to live like i do...
If it wasn't for you, i would never be who i am...
I know we'll never see those days again, and things will never be that way again... 
But that's just how it goes, people change but i know i won't forget you.. 
To the ones who came, who we're there from the start...
To the love that left and took a piece of my heart...
The the few who'd swear, they'd never go anywhere, where are you now???
Where are you now?? Cause i'm thinking of you...
You showed me how, how to live like i do..
If it wasn't for you, i would never be how i am...
If it wasn't for you, i would never be who i am...
If it wasn't for you, i'd be nothing, where are you now???


This song simply reminds me about how i learnt things from people around me...
I miss old times, when those i love were still around me... I know this sounds lame, but that's what i'm feeling...
I list out names of people i'm missing here (without initials)... =D
Alex, Alvin, Djong, Irene, Michael, Erika, Lulu, Marina, Vince, Stella, Areta, Suzie, Michelle, Nd, Helen, Jojo, Lisa, Erwin, Jupiter, Felix, Mitchell, Adrian, Harbin, Jimmy, Vionni, Denny and many others that i can't mention them one by one (sorry for the names i didn't mention)...
Thank you guys, for all the supports and companions during good and bad times...
If it wasn't for you, i would never be who i am...


-Jezz

a moan

I pull myself away from messengers (Yahoo, Windows Live, Google and Skype) these days... I avoid people talking to me... I don't reply texts... I don't talk much on phone calls... I don't go out with my friends... I lock myself in my room or in the working cubicle at the office doing things-i-don't-know-what...
I hate ignorance, well... okay, who likes it?? But Jess, see what you are doing now!! YOU ARE IGNORING PEOPLE AROUND YOU!! What do you want???!!!
Nothing lasts forever... yeah... nothing... In this 21+ years of living, i've tried to do anything just to get this ONE THING (or two??) i really need from people around me, people i love... And i made it... But what i've got are just TEMPORARY and sadly, they faded quickly, much faster than i thought...
I am tired to be tough... I am tired to face everything by myself... I am tired to fight alone... I am tired to keep things inside... I am tired for not being able to speak out... 


A song i am singing now:
"Everybody's looking for that something, one thing that makes it all complete...
You'll find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it could be...
Some find it in the face of their children, some find it in their lovers' eyes...
Who can deny the joy it brings, when you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings...
Some find it sharing every morning, some in their solitary lives... 
You'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry...
You'll find it in the deepest friendship, the kind you cherish all your life... 
And when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings...
So impossible as they may seem, you've got to fight for every dream...
Coz who's to know which one you let go would have made you complete..."


If you saw me delivering my speech about "What is wealth for?" few years ago (when i was in high school), i sang this song at the end of my speech... I also sang this song together with my high school best friends: Rk, Mr, Vc n Lu (i miss you, guys!!)... It's an old song with meanings inside it (don't you realize most of new songs are meaningless?? they are just nice to be listened, but the lyrics are crappy)...
After all, i was just moaning when i typed this post... it doesn't mean i'm going to stop trying and fighting...
I just need a rest... =D


-Jezz 
(who's got to fight for her dreams)

March 20th, 2010

Let me tell you something, Jakarta is SUPER hot these days (i just checked the weather, it's 28C now... it was hotter in the afternoon), the heat would make your brain stops working while staying too long in an air-conditioned room isn't good for health (or i should say, staying too long in an air-conditioned room would make you sick)... 
Sometimes, i prefer to stay at home during weekend so i could have enough rest for the next weekdays... But... But... But... In this kind of weather, i think i might go crazy to stay at home whole day (3 times shower in a day wouldn't be enough and air-con would just make me sick)... So, today i decided to go out for movie with my bro... My Name Is Khan... A good Indian movie, really inspiring and touching... It's telling about how an autism Indian-Muslim guy tried so hard to meet the president of USA just to let the president know that he's not a terrorist... If you have spare time, this movie is worthy to be watched (it's quite long, almost 3 hours)... =D


Done with the movie, my bro and i decided to have our dinner at home... He was starving for spaghetti and asked me to cook for him... Well, as a-good-sister for my bro (it's me judging myself, not my bro) i "messed" up the kitchen in 20mins and here is our dinner:

Messing up in the kitchen is always fun for me... Hohoho.. Especially when there're people i could cook/bake for... And, this is what i had after dinner: 

I love kiwis... Tips in buying kiwis: choose those with oval shape instead of the round ones... XD


I'm going off to bed soon, i need to wake up early tomorrow... Jess needs exercise, YES SHE DOES!!! before she gains more weight... sigh* 
Have a good night, everyone... =D


-Jezz

feet on sand

When you used to stay close to someone as your bestfriend and suddenly that person stops talking to you for a non-sense reason, you might be mad at the first time... But as the time passed by, you would feel that you miss the laughters and tears you spent with him/her... 












This pic was taken by me few years ago when we went to the beach for an afternoon walk...


-Jezz

the flight

I was at the airport 3 hours before my flight schedule... Mom and dad were there as well... I run down the escalator just to reach the check in counter... I saw my friends around the airport, taking different flights to different destinations... And I saw her, St... Who was done with her check in stuff... I was like "Well, there was she... What?? She's done?? She didn't wait for me..." Okay, then i went to check in counter by myself and realized that my luggage wasn't with me... I walked back to the escalator and went upstairs to find my parents... They were sitting on a bench near the escalator, waiting for me... I didn't see my luggage with them, and i asked where was it... Dad told me he did the check in for me, and gave me the boarding pass... I saw the seat number, 8D - which is aisle seat at the middle row... I asked him again whether he picked that seat or not, he said no, the the lady at the counter picked a random seat.. I was pissed coz the flight was gonna be a long flight and i didn't chose the seat that i wanted... sigh*
and my alarm rang... so, i woke up and typed up this post... 


-Jezz

wish list

Things that i'm going to do if (and only if) i quit my job:
- spend 2-3 days in a week at gym...
- take both classic and pop piano classes...
- go on vacation by myself...
- have full body massage and hair treatment... 
- finish reading my books...
- tide up my room...
- try new recipes...
- continue sketching and drawing...
- make useless handy crafts and hand-made cards...
- play stupid games...
- drive around the city for culinary with my bro...
- visit my overseas friends... 
and of course, find a new job or start a new business... =D


-Jezz
(who is bored with her daily life...)

HM's 20th bday

I'm wishing a VERY HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY to HM... Have a better life, better luck and be a better person... Being 20 isn't as bad as you thought, baby... Hahaha..  I guess, we celebrated my 20th birthday together before, i remember you gave me a jar of lollies from Sugar store as my birthday present when we met under the big clock at Melbourne Central Station... =D 
Recalling back the time when you first arrived Melbourne... You just knew me as ward's sister who was studying there... Then i took you and your mom to Chadstone (HM was so desperate for going to shopping mall at that time) and ended up having Nando's chicken for dinner... Well, that's when we started to get closer, doing crazy things together, i.e: went out for lunch together every Sunday (after i finished the 11 am mass at St. Francis)... Remember the day we went to Ying Thai on a very windy day and i wore dress (i kept swearing at that time - sigh*)... or another day when you came to my place early in the morning and breakfast was already prepared for you - you didn't bother to grab a plate, you ate right from the big bowl... =p I miss those times... >,<
OMG... i really forgot to typed out "our journey" to watch Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen last winter... ROFL... that was crazy... XD
Once again, have a great 20th birthday, baby... =D I miss you a lot...


Anyway, i found Corica Apple Strudel is being sold here in Jakarta... XD It's the most famous apple strudel from Perth... They don't even have it in Melbourne or Sydney; but they sell it in Jakarta... What a good thing... Don't envy me, guys... =p I'm not advertising, but you have to try it when you get the chance... It tastes really good... =3

"The pastry is crispy, light and fluffy. It is lightly glazed and has two layers of cream and custard. There are also slices of caramelized apples in the filling of the custard and cream. The sweetness level is just right, not too sweet and not too bland either. It is most perfect for tea time or after-meal desserts." (quoted from somewhere i can't remember)


I'm going to sleep now... (wondering why do i just have 2 days off in a week >,<)


-Jezz

Abstraction

I think i need to tell you that i am not an artist nor a literati who is able to understand the hidden meaning behind your abstract words... Sometimes, i fed up with the way you talk, the way you treat me... and i'm sick of pretending that i'm okay with all those... If you think you are the one who always does the correct things or if you wish everything to be the way you want it to be, then just go to live on your own, you don't need me...
Your appreciation, i just don't get it... I feel stupid after your words...
Look back at yourself, who do you think you are?? 


-Jezz