There are many things on my mind since last night...
I couldn't sleep well... My hands are shaking...
I'm scared... Really scared...
-Jezz
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
3 Questions
When I had nothing to do yesterday, I read this book "Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya"... I don't know what's the English title of the book, but I'm sure that book has the English version... It's a (sort of) life philosophy book of Buddhist teaching.. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think it's not a mistake if I take some good points from the teaching and apply them in my life...
When I reached chapter 54 of the book, there are 3 questions being asked:
1. When is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing to do?
Before I continue reading that chapter, I tried to find my own answers for those 3 questions...
And these are the answers given by the writer of the book (who is a monk and it did change my point of view):
1. When is the most important time?
Book said: We all know the answer of this question, but it's frequently forgotten... The most important time for us is NOW... It's the only time we have... If you want to tell people how much you love them, how thankful you are from what they have done for you, do it NOW... Not tomorrow, not 5 minutes later... Because it could be just too late... If you need to apologize to some people, do not think about the reasons... Do it NOW... It could be the only chance you have, so use the moment...
Jess said: I posted something about time before, do not postpone anything... We don't know how long this life would be... So, use the time wisely, it's limited... Even if we have a long life to live, it doesn't mean others also do... Remember my old post titled irreplaceable?? There are only one you, one me, one him and one her in this world, tell them if you love them whenever you have the chance, before it's too late...
Every second we have is precious, like what I quoted from HM's blog: "Be proud in every second given"...
(I watched this when I was in Bandung at the beginning of this year, this guy sang it better than Ronan Keating and Garth Brooks did... I cried when I saw this at the 1st time, it's so touching...)
2. Who is the most important person?
Book said: Not many people can answer this question, it might take some hours or even days just to answer it... The answer is: the most important person is the one you're being with... Love and communication could only be shared with the person/people who's (are) with you, no matter whoever (s)he is/ they are... (S)he is/ they are the most important people for you at that moment... This is not only applicable to personal relationships, but also in business partnership... Whenever you are in a business meeting, the most important person for you at that moment is your business partner, who might effect your sales and income...
We spend most of the time in this life being alone, that is why the most important person for us is the person we're being with, which is ourselves...
Jess said: The last sentence sounds selfish to me, but I have to admit that it's the fact... I spend most of my time locking myself in my room... I do things for my own goodness... I guess, it's normal when you want all the best thing for yourself because you think that you are important, as you are the one who live your life... And true, I could feel that the most important person for me is the one I be with at that moment... For example, when I was on the phone, the most important person at that time is the person I was talking to...
3. What is the most important thing to do?
Book said: The most important thing to do is CARING... Caring means to be careful and to care... This answer shows that the most important thing is to understand the origins of ourselves...
Jess said: I don't really understand the last sentence... I think I need to spend some more times to think what that really means... What I found in a reality is, caring could mean a lot for me and people around me... To care means to support, to understand, to listen to others, etc... How does it feel when you know that there is somebody cares about you? It's nice, isn't it?? Sometimes, being carefree isn't acceptable because to CARE is FREE... Concern and love are the only free things we could give to people (though sometimes we have to spend times and phone credits just to show people that we care about them)... Remember, caring is a mutual thing... So, don't blame people if they don't care about you because of your carefree behavior...
-Jezz
如果我有一个机会告诉你...
When I reached chapter 54 of the book, there are 3 questions being asked:
1. When is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing to do?
Before I continue reading that chapter, I tried to find my own answers for those 3 questions...
And these are the answers given by the writer of the book (who is a monk and it did change my point of view):
1. When is the most important time?
Book said: We all know the answer of this question, but it's frequently forgotten... The most important time for us is NOW... It's the only time we have... If you want to tell people how much you love them, how thankful you are from what they have done for you, do it NOW... Not tomorrow, not 5 minutes later... Because it could be just too late... If you need to apologize to some people, do not think about the reasons... Do it NOW... It could be the only chance you have, so use the moment...
Jess said: I posted something about time before, do not postpone anything... We don't know how long this life would be... So, use the time wisely, it's limited... Even if we have a long life to live, it doesn't mean others also do... Remember my old post titled irreplaceable?? There are only one you, one me, one him and one her in this world, tell them if you love them whenever you have the chance, before it's too late...
Every second we have is precious, like what I quoted from HM's blog: "Be proud in every second given"...
(I watched this when I was in Bandung at the beginning of this year, this guy sang it better than Ronan Keating and Garth Brooks did... I cried when I saw this at the 1st time, it's so touching...)
2. Who is the most important person?
Book said: Not many people can answer this question, it might take some hours or even days just to answer it... The answer is: the most important person is the one you're being with... Love and communication could only be shared with the person/people who's (are) with you, no matter whoever (s)he is/ they are... (S)he is/ they are the most important people for you at that moment... This is not only applicable to personal relationships, but also in business partnership... Whenever you are in a business meeting, the most important person for you at that moment is your business partner, who might effect your sales and income...
We spend most of the time in this life being alone, that is why the most important person for us is the person we're being with, which is ourselves...
Jess said: The last sentence sounds selfish to me, but I have to admit that it's the fact... I spend most of my time locking myself in my room... I do things for my own goodness... I guess, it's normal when you want all the best thing for yourself because you think that you are important, as you are the one who live your life... And true, I could feel that the most important person for me is the one I be with at that moment... For example, when I was on the phone, the most important person at that time is the person I was talking to...
3. What is the most important thing to do?
Book said: The most important thing to do is CARING... Caring means to be careful and to care... This answer shows that the most important thing is to understand the origins of ourselves...
Jess said: I don't really understand the last sentence... I think I need to spend some more times to think what that really means... What I found in a reality is, caring could mean a lot for me and people around me... To care means to support, to understand, to listen to others, etc... How does it feel when you know that there is somebody cares about you? It's nice, isn't it?? Sometimes, being carefree isn't acceptable because to CARE is FREE... Concern and love are the only free things we could give to people (though sometimes we have to spend times and phone credits just to show people that we care about them)... Remember, caring is a mutual thing... So, don't blame people if they don't care about you because of your carefree behavior...
-Jezz
如果我有一个机会告诉你...
Thursday, April 22, 2010
last day
Tomorrow is going to be my last day working at the company I've been working at for a year plus... I feel weird... I dunno if I should be happy or not... I remember how I complained so much about this job, how it's not relevant to the field I studied and how boring it is...
Two days ago, my deputy GM asked me whether i would visit them again or not... Another manager asked me which number I would be using after tomorrow, to make sure he could still contact me... My laboratory manager came to my desk and asked me, "I heard that you're leaving soon, WHY??"...
Then the general manager, my boss, who I used to share thoughts to... He was shocked when he knew tomorrow would be my last working day, he was like "What?? Tomorrow?? So fast?? Alright, I'll buy you lunch tomorrow... We all go out for lunch tomorrow...", and said "Think about this again, we would be really happy if you still join us, remember all the nice people here..."
Well, to be honest, the people are all nice there (though sometimes they put so much pressures on me - as I am the only person who understands Indonesian, English and Chinese in the office)... They treated me nicely...
I'm talking to Dj at the moment, telling him how I feel right now... He reminded me about my first days working there, when me and him talked craps everyday (8am-5pm)... I was still on my old desk with my old computer... After a month of working, they got me an assistant and bought me a new PC... A year has passed, like my senior said to me "time flies"... So today, I uninstalled all the messenger from my PC, iTunes as well... I should pack my stuffs up from my desk tomorrow... Sad though... I cried just now, a bit... >,<
I went out this evening to buy something for the managers and some staffs there as a farewell gift...
After thus long, I could count my office as one of my comfort zones (I never realized it after Dj told me)... I couldn't stay there forever, I need to step out the comfort zone to grow... I need to grow and learn more things out there... Growing is painful... To be grown up, I have to feel the pains...
-Jezz 要加油
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunday + CAD = Autism
I went home quite late last night after spending 4 hours plus waiting for my business cards to be done...
Actually, printing business card in Indo is inexpensive, it costs only IDR 110k for a box of 100 cards with double sided printing and laminating... BUT!! Last night I paid IDR 505k for a box of my card... The laser cutting costs me IDR 395k... I never thought my simple but complicated design would cost that much...
You have to know, sometimes your business card gives people first impression of you (especially when your card isn't the one from the company you're working in - which is standard one)... So, Cyan and I do agree that we don't mind spending more for our business cards printing... That's the designers' rule: as a designer, it's necessary to have a good business card, good studio, good style and of course good design in almost everything... See?? Being a designer isn't easy... (I feel like scratching people's faces - who think that design is a field for those who aren't smart)...
Today.... I'm going to spend my whole day at home doing CAD 3D modelling... What a life... I have to finish the presentation board by this Tuesday... 2 days??? No, I only have TODAY... because i will be working tomorrow... Fainted*
Anw, i really hope to have a new MBP right now so I can finish my 3D faster (what an excuse)... Oh People, tell me the fastest way to make money other than being a prostitute or a corrupter...
I need to shower, prepare my breakfast and start working...
-Jezz
You have to know, sometimes your business card gives people first impression of you (especially when your card isn't the one from the company you're working in - which is standard one)... So, Cyan and I do agree that we don't mind spending more for our business cards printing... That's the designers' rule: as a designer, it's necessary to have a good business card, good studio, good style and of course good design in almost everything... See?? Being a designer isn't easy... (I feel like scratching people's faces - who think that design is a field for those who aren't smart)...
Today.... I'm going to spend my whole day at home doing CAD 3D modelling... What a life... I have to finish the presentation board by this Tuesday... 2 days??? No, I only have TODAY... because i will be working tomorrow... Fainted*
Anw, i really hope to have a new MBP right now so I can finish my 3D faster (what an excuse)... Oh People, tell me the fastest way to make money other than being a prostitute or a corrupter...
I need to shower, prepare my breakfast and start working...
-Jezz
Thursday, April 15, 2010
time
Actually, i am really tired at the moment... I arrived home around 30mins before, took my shower and here i am typing this blog...
Having 2 different jobs at once isn't easy... Especially when one of them needs extra working time and energy... Dad asked me once before, whether i found any difficulties in handling my new job or not... I said the new job is okay, but i just don't have enough time to finish all the drawing in a short period time because I am still working... Then dad told me that there is no such excuse of not having enough time (he doesn't like me and my bros to mention "I don't have time" as the reason for not being able to do something - no exception)... At this period, i am (only) handling 2 jobs at once and he asked me to think how those billionaires handle many things (of course more than 2) at once... Okay, that makes sense... Time management...
I know myself more than anyone else on earth, so the person who needs to manage my time is me... That means i have to use the 24hours provided each day as efficient as i could... 24hours for: sleeping, office hours, extra working times, daily routines and social life (this includes talking to others, checking email, Facebook, tweeting - which is not really important, etc.)...
Another thing about time I got from the seminar I attended few months ago: There is no perfect time to start something other than NOW... Means: DO NOT postpone anything... Try to think how much progress we could get during the wasted time for putting off our plans... Once again, time is limited and chance doesn't always come twice...
-JezzZZzzzZzzz... (not fully awake)
Having 2 different jobs at once isn't easy... Especially when one of them needs extra working time and energy... Dad asked me once before, whether i found any difficulties in handling my new job or not... I said the new job is okay, but i just don't have enough time to finish all the drawing in a short period time because I am still working... Then dad told me that there is no such excuse of not having enough time (he doesn't like me and my bros to mention "I don't have time" as the reason for not being able to do something - no exception)... At this period, i am (only) handling 2 jobs at once and he asked me to think how those billionaires handle many things (of course more than 2) at once... Okay, that makes sense... Time management...
I know myself more than anyone else on earth, so the person who needs to manage my time is me... That means i have to use the 24hours provided each day as efficient as i could... 24hours for: sleeping, office hours, extra working times, daily routines and social life (this includes talking to others, checking email, Facebook, tweeting - which is not really important, etc.)...
Another thing about time I got from the seminar I attended few months ago: There is no perfect time to start something other than NOW... Means: DO NOT postpone anything... Try to think how much progress we could get during the wasted time for putting off our plans... Once again, time is limited and chance doesn't always come twice...
-JezzZZzzzZzzz... (not fully awake)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
sketch-mad
Do you know that designer doesn't always have the ability to draw by hand??
I hate hand drawing and sketching, for sure... It's simply because i'm not good at hand drawing, i draw better and faster by using computer (though sometimes CAD makes me mad as well)...
Well, this is what i am doing at the moment:
(Sorry for the crap picture i took, i used auto focus when i took it... too lazy and too sleepy to set manual focus)
You can see how i am not good at manual scaling and proportion when sketching perspectives (of course, jess is spoiled by CAD where everything in 3d is drawn in correct scale and proportion)...
I have no idea what else i should draw so i ended up typing my blog...
Reminder: You still need to finish drawing another 3 living rooms and 3 dining rooms, jess!!! You have to finish them by tonight!!!
I don't feel well these days... I keep sneezing... Flu oh flu, go away from me!
Well, let ya know... this is my working time started from last week till the end of the month:
Monday to Friday (8am - 5pm) : working on reports at my current office...
Mon - Wed - Fri (7pm - 9pm) : project meeting at new office i would be working in...
Saturday (9am - 3pm) : working on retail designing project...
Ah ya, i forget to mention that i'm resigning the current job i'm having now and moving to this interior design company... Officially, i would be working there on the beginning of May, but because they're rushing for this retail project, the owner wants me to help them for the design thingy (now you know why my working time is like what i've mentioned above)...
I shouldn't spend too much time typing this... Back to work... (OMG! It's 11.27 pm now)...
Have a good night everyone!
-Jezz
I hate hand drawing and sketching, for sure... It's simply because i'm not good at hand drawing, i draw better and faster by using computer (though sometimes CAD makes me mad as well)...
Well, this is what i am doing at the moment:
You can see how i am not good at manual scaling and proportion when sketching perspectives (of course, jess is spoiled by CAD where everything in 3d is drawn in correct scale and proportion)...
I have no idea what else i should draw so i ended up typing my blog...
Reminder: You still need to finish drawing another 3 living rooms and 3 dining rooms, jess!!! You have to finish them by tonight!!!
I don't feel well these days... I keep sneezing... Flu oh flu, go away from me!
Well, let ya know... this is my working time started from last week till the end of the month:
Monday to Friday (8am - 5pm) : working on reports at my current office...
Mon - Wed - Fri (7pm - 9pm) : project meeting at new office i would be working in...
Saturday (9am - 3pm) : working on retail designing project...
Ah ya, i forget to mention that i'm resigning the current job i'm having now and moving to this interior design company... Officially, i would be working there on the beginning of May, but because they're rushing for this retail project, the owner wants me to help them for the design thingy (now you know why my working time is like what i've mentioned above)...
I shouldn't spend too much time typing this... Back to work... (OMG! It's 11.27 pm now)...
Have a good night everyone!
-Jezz
Friday, April 9, 2010
L-O-V-E-?
I just read Jo's post and i am now typing this as a response of her post...
Love is a super complicated word... Yes, it is... Myself can't define what's the meaning of the word "love" itself... but, let me type what's on my mind...
Every girl has her own criteria of a guy she wants to be with... If it's me, i might be attracted to a smart good-looking guy, who has good driving skill, good manner and musical talented... When it comes to love, i could just forget all the criteria i required and be with that guy, even though i am not happy... Hahaha... Sounds stupid, doesn't it?
Fact: Jess does really well in her daily life... But, Jess is such a stupid moron when it comes to a love life... I admit that...
What i found in the reality, i could be so moody and unstable only because of a guy i had a crush with... Then, how that guy could easily mess up my life, i guess you can imagine it yourself... At the other side, the appearance of that guy could simply make me smile the whole day and forget my anger...
In fact, what i am searching in a relationship are happiness and certainty... I am not going to waste my time waiting for something uncertain; time is limited, my friends... If the relationship is just making me depressed, i would just stop it at the point where i couldn't take it anymore (patience is also limited)...
So, if you think that you don't have the ability to make me happy, that means i don't need you...
Loving is giving - true love doesn't ask for anything in return...
When i love someone, i would try my best to give the bests of mine to that person... But, when i keep giving without asking anything for return, i will have nothing else to give... Does it make sense?? So, when it's applied to a relationship, it's a mutual thing, means they need to fulfill each other... It wouldn't work if there's just one side keeps giving and another side keeps receiving... When you do not dare to share what you have in your life and the only thing you think about is your own goodness, that means you're not ready to have a partner...
Past love-life memories...
Talking about past, people (most of - i am included) could have more than one relationship in the past... There are a lot of things we could learn from the past love lives... I do believe that some of us are still thinking about our past times, how we were loved, happy and hurt... Be careful! Looking back to the past is good as long as we know what mistakes we've done and try to do better in the present... It could be worst when it starts to drag us to "live" in past memories, we may lose what we have in the present...
I read my old posts few days ago and thought how silly i was... Hahaha... Thank God that I'm not in that conditions anymore... Thanks to my ex for making me to be like now, i wouldn't be like this if we never broke up... =D
A small tip: NEVER talk about (or even compare) your ex to your present partner, nobody likes it!
Fact: Jess does really well in her daily life... But, Jess is such a stupid moron when it comes to a love life... I admit that...
What i found in the reality, i could be so moody and unstable only because of a guy i had a crush with... Then, how that guy could easily mess up my life, i guess you can imagine it yourself... At the other side, the appearance of that guy could simply make me smile the whole day and forget my anger...
In fact, what i am searching in a relationship are happiness and certainty... I am not going to waste my time waiting for something uncertain; time is limited, my friends... If the relationship is just making me depressed, i would just stop it at the point where i couldn't take it anymore (patience is also limited)...
So, if you think that you don't have the ability to make me happy, that means i don't need you...
Loving is giving - true love doesn't ask for anything in return...
When i love someone, i would try my best to give the bests of mine to that person... But, when i keep giving without asking anything for return, i will have nothing else to give... Does it make sense?? So, when it's applied to a relationship, it's a mutual thing, means they need to fulfill each other... It wouldn't work if there's just one side keeps giving and another side keeps receiving... When you do not dare to share what you have in your life and the only thing you think about is your own goodness, that means you're not ready to have a partner...
Past love-life memories...
Talking about past, people (most of - i am included) could have more than one relationship in the past... There are a lot of things we could learn from the past love lives... I do believe that some of us are still thinking about our past times, how we were loved, happy and hurt... Be careful! Looking back to the past is good as long as we know what mistakes we've done and try to do better in the present... It could be worst when it starts to drag us to "live" in past memories, we may lose what we have in the present...
I read my old posts few days ago and thought how silly i was... Hahaha... Thank God that I'm not in that conditions anymore... Thanks to my ex for making me to be like now, i wouldn't be like this if we never broke up... =D
A small tip: NEVER talk about (or even compare) your ex to your present partner, nobody likes it!
"Girls don't need any boy (poor girls need boy), boy need girls more than they think!"
I quoted that from Jo's post... I do agree with that statement, but it doesn't mean it's 100% true...
Boys/guys/men (or-whatever-you-call-them) are rational creatures who use their brains more than their hearts... They are good at finding/making excuses/reasons for anything they've done... They always want to control everything and rule the world... They have super-high prides so they always want to be on the top... Their prides make them too shy to lose, to shame to admit that they DO NEED girls/gals/women...
Let ya know, guys... We don't need your excuses because we don't even understand them, so you better keep them for yourself (or maybe, for your gay partners??)...
At the end, it's back to us... whether we're letting our ratios win against our feelings, or the reverse of it...
-Jezz
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Broken Piano
I just arrived home in a-really-tired-condition-and-super-sleepy-face... I put my bags and sit in front of my piano, thought of healing myself by playing some songs... it was okay at the first few tones, but as i played more tones, it started to sound weird and ended up not producing any sound at all... sigh*
I called Yamaha Center, but it's closed (of course it's closed, it wasn't office hour anymore when i called)... The guy asked me to call again tomorrow... another sigh*
Having a broken piano feels like losing a best friend of mine... Playing piano is the only way i could express my feelings and thoughts freely...
Hope it would be repaired soon...
-Jezz
I called Yamaha Center, but it's closed (of course it's closed, it wasn't office hour anymore when i called)... The guy asked me to call again tomorrow... another sigh*
Having a broken piano feels like losing a best friend of mine... Playing piano is the only way i could express my feelings and thoughts freely...
Hope it would be repaired soon...
-Jezz
Saturday, April 3, 2010
emo-ing
Here I am staying in front of my computer and avoiding everyone talking to me... I don't really know why this "emo" feeling keeps staying inside of me... Can anybody pulls it out??? I do feel lonely, really lonely these days... I couldn't be bothered to start a conversation with anyone, i dunno what i should talk about... or maybe i'm scared of saying or doing something wrong??
Another maybe, am i preparing myself for a change after thus long?? I'm going back to my design world after a year plus leaving it... To be honest, i'm nervous...
Talking about the 2 job interviews, i done it well... I withdrew from the first one right after the interview for the reason of salary (well, who wants to get a new job that would only pay her a half of the salary she's getting now???)... Second one wasn't bad... The company is actually waiting for my confirmation if i would accept their offers (which is a good thing)...
A little wish of mine now: Shanghai - May 2010 (if i can make it within a month)
-Jezz
Another maybe, am i preparing myself for a change after thus long?? I'm going back to my design world after a year plus leaving it... To be honest, i'm nervous...
Talking about the 2 job interviews, i done it well... I withdrew from the first one right after the interview for the reason of salary (well, who wants to get a new job that would only pay her a half of the salary she's getting now???)... Second one wasn't bad... The company is actually waiting for my confirmation if i would accept their offers (which is a good thing)...
A little wish of mine now: Shanghai - May 2010 (if i can make it within a month)
-Jezz
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