Rain & 117

It's Friday 6.00 pm now... and i'm still sitting in front of my PC in my office... Hahaha... it's not i'm not excited to get home as fast as i can, but there's an accident happened on the way home and it caused heavy traffic... so, i prefer to stay here than sitting alone in the car... 


anyway... 117 is the tittle i've chosen this time... (maybe you are the only one who could understand)...
n why that number?? coz it's the number where the story began...
i remember few days before u mentioned that number to me, u typed this:
"i wish i could tell you how close you are to me while you are 50000000000000000 km away from me..." (or it was miles instead of km?? whateva.. it doesn't really matter... LOL)
so, now you know why i didn't cry when i saw you leaving...
to be honest, i was kinda disappointed when the rain didn't pour last night... i guess, u're still curious about the connection between rain and you... hahaha... let me keep it myself (just pray that i would accidentally say it out to you)... 
about your secret wish you told me this morning just before your flight... you don't need to mention that, coz i know what you want... so, just be patient and wait till i make it out... XD n here it is... a post for ya... 


There'll be times when things are getting harder and harder... I'm not that kinda super-wise gal who's always able to solve problem well, i might be mad sometimes... I'm not that sweet to say those flowery words easily to you... Oh well, I'm just me who's holding your hands tightly to walk together... and that's the way i love you...


-Jezz

a mess...

"and sometimes when we touch... the honesty's too much..." 
A phrase from that song represents the thought I'm having on my mind at the moment... Staying faraway from you isn't an easy thing to do... It's not I don't wanna spend more time with you when you're around... I'm just scared.... Yeah, scared of not being able to let you go... The more physical attachment we have, the harder for me to stay miles away from you... I hope this makes sense... >,<
Anw, it's just a short thought of mine... I don't wanna think or worry too much about that... LOL... I just believe that I will see u again physically very soon (without knowing how soon it is exactly)... 


There are times when I need to isolate myself from the online societies... I'm not avoiding people nor unwilling to communicate with my friends... I just need some times to think about myself, to look at my own reflection... 
I wonder how important people's perceptions about me are... I hate it when people around me are starting to underestimate me - while they can't prove that they're able to be better than me (maybe this kind of people thinks that they're the best - who knows what's on their minds)...sigh*
I believe that life is a process of learning... I can't learn how to be a better me without people's opinions/perceptions... So, i guess being carefree isn't a solution for me... But (to be honest), sometimes accepting people's opinions is difficult as well (especially when the way they think is totally different from mine)... Hahaha... Okay... my mind is just making things to be more complicated... (it's proved from what I've typed here, a mess)... LOL...
i need to remember my own quote: "The only thing that makes simple things become more complicated is our minds..."
so....... Don't worry.... Be Happy... =D


-Jezz

be present

I just moved my phone card to my old mobile yesterday... then i accidentally opened the saved message folder and found those SMS sent by my friends before they left 3.5 years ago... I still remember those moments, when i was the last person who left the town and saw friends were starting to move far far away from me... in my life, i always hate the thing called "farewell" though it doesn't always mean i am losing people i love... 

I kept silent after reading the SMS... i can't really tell what was on my mind... probably, sadness?? i guess so... 3.5 years isn't a long time (for me), but i can see there are so many changes in the environment i lived before... it's not as same as it was before... and i think i'm scared to be placed there once again, because i'm now living in a much better environment... arrogant? selfish? well yeah, i am... for my own goodness...

Parents always wish the best things to their kids... so do my dad and mom... but, there are times when they worry too much about me... i know exactly what i am doing now... i just need some more time to prove that i can make my parents proud of having me as their daughter... things might happen if they should be... so, just trust me if i can make it...

"I want you not to worry about our future too much... just be present with me... and that's more than enough..."

you sent me that the night before i left hometown... so, i don't want you to think too much bout the stuffs you mentioned this morning (i'm ignoring that as well - better not to think bout that)... i am happy to be with you... i dun wanna think/worry too far/much about what's gonna happen next... let it be a surprise from God for both you and me... i just wanna enjoy the time we have... like what u've said: just be present with you... 1.2.3.4

-Jezz